I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dear god my vagina.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
