the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
