Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
