cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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