I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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