I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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