Ambien. No doubt about it.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize