He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
