I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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