my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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