Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize