Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
