This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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