you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
