dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize