so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
