The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
