I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
