Nicole vs. Life
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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