Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
