Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
