he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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