My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
