It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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