I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
