just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize