so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize