So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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