he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
my liver is dry heaving
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
