Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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