Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I intend to get homeless drunk
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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