I molested 6 butterflies tonight
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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