Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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