Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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