Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
