It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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