I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
