forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We named our party play list daddy issues
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
