And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize