Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
