I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
