Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
