She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
