I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
