tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
