Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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