Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
high people should be assigned attendants
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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