They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she woke up with a sticky ear
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
