I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
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