Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
how can u be prego again
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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