You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
