the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
