Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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