I just pynch a tree in the face
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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