some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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