Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
