porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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