We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
