Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
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