I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
