There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
