i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
