He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
