I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
